What happens when a lonely, senile vampire invites an abusing, thieving home-healthcare nurse into her penthouse apartment?

I was thinking the other night, ‘What was that movie, with that horrible woman?’ Then I remembered it was your play! I could totally picture it.
Dawn Houghton, professional editor

Theme of the Play

Other than a few pseudo-profundities about eternity and the fear of death, Kisses for Hildy is all about fun. Raucous, comic, sexual, occasionally violent fun—with all the visceral, in-your-face excitement of being right on stage.

Kisses for Hildy

Hildegarde “Hildy” Fenway is a shriveled, senile old gal. She also happens to be a vampire, although she doesn’t remember it most of the time. She hasn’t drunk blood or even left her penthouse apartment for many decades, not since her vampire lover was destroyed. (The self-starvation aged her.)

Hildy is lonely, so she invites “Nurse Evelyn” into her home as caretaker. Evelyn, unfortunately, turns out to be utterly unscrupulous—even wicked (but in a fun way!). With the help of an easily seduced lawyer named Eric and a greedy superintendent named Sal, the malevolent Evelyn soon has control over the comical, likable old Hildy.

Although she mistakes Eric for someone named “Stan,” Hildy likes Eric right from the start. She even tries to steal a kiss. “Kisses! Kisses for Hildy!” she cries. And soon, by taking care of Hildy and, in one short period of lucidity for her, getting to know her, Eric starts to worry more about the little, undead monster and less about the big, living monster named Evelyn.

Eric’s growing wariness of his “partner” is confirmed when Evelyn murder’s Eric’s ex-assistant, Margene (in one of the most brutal, yet darkly comic, homicides ever perpetrated on stage).

So sure, Evelyn is brutal, but let’s not underestimate Hildy. Because when Evelyn finally tries to take Hildy for everything she’s got, the blood really hits the fan.
Not torture. Joy, fascination, curiosity . . . and, yes—perhaps a little torture. Oh, I forgot. There’s a dead sailor in the lavatory.
Stanislaus Dvoeglasova, Act I, Scene 5
Kisses for Hildy is on file with the United States Copyright Office; the registration number is PAu3-096-154. The play is also registered with the Dramatists Guild of America.
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